Nothing whets the appetite like watching that Citadel scene. More like Shitadel, amiright?? It was like watching the “Just Listen” Maxwell House Commercials, only to the tune of poop. Those poor editors–maesterfully timed, however. Kelly Bittner suggested I make Chili con Tarly tonight, which is clever and funny, but I really don’t want to eat that or think about that or take pictures of that, etc., etc. I needed something that gave a nod to Mr. Tarly’s misfortune, while still being a little more removed. I’m going to make an easy, Citadel-icious chocolate mousse.
Citadel-icious Chocolate Mousse
Adapted from Spoon University.
Half Package of Dark Chocolate Chips (Ghiradelli or better)
1/2 c. heavy whipped cream
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp. Good quality Vanilla
1 tbsp. Bailey’s, Dark Rum, or Rumchata (optional)
Heat cream on the stove on medium low, stirring often, to prevent scorching. Meanwhile, pulse chocolate chips, liqueur, vanilla, and egg a few times in the blender. When cream is steaming and just bubbling (not boiling) pour on top of chocolate chip mixture—it will cook the egg to a safe temperature to eat. Whip the mixture for about 30 seconds and pour into cordial or coupe glasses. Refrigerate 3+ hours before serving.
Let’s move on to a different kind of shit-talking—I really liked last week’s episode, and I thought they did a nice job showing what every character has been up to—but there were several times that I was taken out of the watching experience, with Ed Shereen being the most obvious and annoying. I was also kind of distracted during the whole making fun of Thoros’s man-bun banter, which was a very 2015 thing to do, and it seemed out of place. Plus, I really like Thoros, and his top knot is kind of cute. The Hound and the Brotherhood is definitely my favorite new storyline. Now that we know that the Hound has clairvoyant abilities, I’m excited that he’s going to play a major role in moving the plot forward this season—do you think he’s going to be the one to tell people about Jon Snow’s true lineage? Maybe. Anyway, Thoros is cool, and it’s time for everyone to lay off of him. I will make some Garlic Knots for them this week and hope sweet Thoros lives to see Season 8 (he won’t).
Thoros’s Garlic Top-Knots
(Adapted from Bon Appetit)
1 lb. pre-made pizza dough at room temp; I used store-bought (Trader Joe’s and Gateway make a pretty good dough), but there’s also a good pizza dough recipe here. You can also straight-up use the canned Pillsbury kind.
Flour, for dusting
2 tbsp. Olive Oil, plus more for brushing
½ stick unsalted butter
Garlic powder, to taste
5 cloves garlic, crushed and finely minced
2 tbsp. kosher salt
Fresh grated parmesan to sprinkle on top (optional)
Divide pizza dough into 4 pieces. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for about 1-1/2 hours. Prepare baking sheets with parchment paper.
Preheat oven to 400.
Keeping the other pieces covered, take out ¼ of the dough. Roll out onto a lightly floured surface, and cut into six even strips, which should be about 4 inches long and 1 inch wide. Sprinkle dough all over with garlic powder, then flour. Using your hands, roll out each strip of the dough, so it looks like a worm. Tie into a knot, so there is a one-inch overhang on each end. Brush lightly with oil, lightly cover, and place in a warm spot, allowing to rise for about another hour.
Bake knots for 12-14 minutes
Meanwhile, melt butter into a saucepan, careful not to brown. Add garlic and cook for 2 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in parsley and 2 tbsp of oil, and generously season with salt. Add warm knots and gently toss until coated. Grate fresh parm on top and serve. Immediately give half to your neighbors after realizing you made enough garlic knots for 63 men.
If you were wondering what Euron Greyjoy has been up to, he’s been putting on eyeliner on a boat. Like, a lot of eyeliner. I kind of liked his seedy jacket, too—so metal. Vulture called him “Goth Joshua Jackson,” and man, that’s a good description. The burning question is, what gift will Euron bring Cersei? Tim Paluch thinks the gift is going to be a Blue Apron subscription. Bustle, The Independent, and a few others think that Euron will bring her the dragonbinder, or the Hell Horn, which would mean really bad news for Dany—and, it would make him the horniest guy since Tormund. While he didn’t talk about a dragonbinder, Adam Lackey doesn’t think this season is looking too good for Dany. It’s bold prediction time!
Adam Lackey’s bold prediction: Cersei is going to kill Dany this season. The dragons will go to Jon Snow, who has just been informed of Bran that he is the rightful heir to the throne and is the Father of Dragons. Jon looks into the camera, and in his best Scott-Bakula-in-Quantum-Leap-voice says, “Oh boy.”
Erin Seidler is all about the Binge Mode talk: the dragonbinder makes sense as the gift, except that it hasn’t been mentioned on the show before. Tyrion is too protected. Ellaria Sand would make sense, especially since the preview showed Ellaria and Yara giving each other the lady love. If Euron showed up, there would be an epic sea battle between Euron and Yara. I only know what the maesters tell me, and they say a suit of armor made of Valyrian steel is a possibility.
Kristen Boren’s bold prediction: They finally find Gendry and some asshole kills him (Possibly Euron). He’s around long enough to get audience’s hopes up and maybe teaches someone how to make Valyrian Steel. Arya shows up to Kings Landing and poses as Jaime to kill Cersei. Sansa winds up right about a few things, but ultimately winds up being killed. There’s a 100% chance of snow and a 60% chance Sansa’s going to die.
Adam Holt’s bold prediction: Euron is going to get a binder full of dragons from Mitt Romney, which will enrage the North. Mitt of House Mitten has a mitten sigil, like the gloves of Glover. Huge rival houses. Euron will get a Euronary tract infection and need to be treated by Sam. This will sideline him most of the season. As Edd lets Bran through the gate, Bran asks him to “hold the door” and winks at the camera.
Kelly Bittner’s Bold Prediction: Arya talks about another sword she is destined for. Named Dark Sister, which is perfect for her.
There will ban an Arya / Nymeria reunion, for sure. Arya obvs has some wag ability of her own and helps lead the pack. And, turns out, Direwolf teeth are made of dragon glass. So, this pack is going to kick some serious White Walker ass.
Julie’s bold prediction: I don’t have any specific predictions, but I think both Erin and Kristen’s Euron predictions sound pretty good. Either way, Euron is going to step into the role of “Worst Guy on Show.” Those Greyjoys are like cockroaches—they just won’t die and they’re all kind of sleazy. Since this is the Greyjoy of cooking and it’s 100 degrees outside, I’m going to cook up some Cockroach of the Sea Salad.
Cockroach of the Sea Salad
(halved and adapted from Food Network’s “Lobster Salad Cocktail” recipe)
2 – 4 oz. lobster tails, cooked (Adam melted salted butter and mixed in some Old Bay and broiled [about 6 inches from heating element] for about 7 minutes), cooled and cut into pieces
5-6 tbsp. mayonnaise
1 stalk of finely chopped celery
1 tsp. lemon zest
Finely chopped shallot
½ lemon, squeezed
2 tsp. tarragon
1 tbsp. Chopped chives
Dry rub and lemon slices, for garnish
Mix all ingredients. Cover and chill. Serve with crackers or bread (or garlic knots!!!).
After the poopiest episode of the series, and perhaps any show ever, wouldn’t it be nice to just have an episode that was all about those Direwolves? I really miss them, and I haven’t used my wolf cookie cutter in a while. Thinking I’m going to make something really, really cold next week. All Men Must Chai Ice Cream? Maybe!