Welp, I lost my $5 bet that Dickon would make it through the episode. So it goes. If I were to bet $5 more on a character’s life (which I’m not—I’m no zillionaire), I’d say it’s safe to say Davos is toast. All that “I’m an old man and don’t know how to fight” talk didn’t bode well with me. At least I have solace in the fact that Braun is still alive, albeit how? They went underwater like 15 feet away from them. Dany isn’t going to send her guys after him? Whatever, I’ll take it.
Davos’s smooth-talking is sooo good. I wonder how many dudes tried try to eat old-ass crab after watching that episode as an ‘natural’ Viagra, but just wound up with paralytic shellfish poisoning. I was kind of hoping he and Jorah would stick around each other, so we could have some serious old BAE moments, but Mormont’s gotta be a dang hero all the time. Like, your girl is finally into you. Stick around for a moment.
Speaking of crabby, how ’bout that Jon Snow? I like that all the pieces are starting to fall into place, but it’s kind of too neat and tidy in some places. Like, the whole dragon scene with Jon was a little cheesy to me—they don’t have to drive the point home forever. We get it, you’re a Targaryen. Go fly your dragon now.
Naturally, tonight I’m making Baked Jon Snow Crab (seasoned with Old Bay) and Sweet Corn.
Baked Jon Snow Crab with Sweet Corn
Adapted from Food.com
2 lbs. snow crab
1 stick butter
5 cloves garlic, crushed and minced
1 lemon, squeezed
1/8 c. olive oil
Fresh sweet corn, halved
Preheat oven to 375.
Remove husks from sweet corn and halve with a knife. Put into a pot of water and season with old bay and salt. Cover and cook for 30+ minutes.
In a small saucepan, melt the stick of butter and lightly sauté the garlic. Squeeze the lemon into the pot, careful to catch any seeds. Add dried parsley (about 1 tbsp) and salt to taste. Take off heat and whisk in olive oil. Brush the butter mixture onto the crab and pour the rest into the pan. Lightly sprinkle Old Bay on the crab. Bake for 25 minutes and let cool for three more minutes before serving.
I just watched Adam Holt eat this meal like a god damn savage, and it was glorious. Hopefully as glorious as tonight’s episode—I wasn’t super into last week’s. It’s the penultimate episode tonight, so you know something crazy is going to happen. Adam thinks that Dany is going to get kidnapped, and I don’t think that’s a bad theory. He also wonders if the wight is going to be Benjen Stark—if that’s the case, that is seriously dumb and I am done watching the show. We’re getting into bold prediction territory.
Adam Holt’s bold prediction: Jorah the Explorah finds a wight off on his own taking a pee and pulls a sack over his head. As he turns around a White Walker touches his arm where his gray scale started. He looks at the camera and shrugs and sighs, “not again!” Debbie Downer face.
Meanwhile, the rest of Jon’s posse finds Benjen Stark and he offers to capture a wight. The wight will end up shattering when they try to bring it past the wall. Debbie Downer face.
Cerci, has had enough with everyone with a cool sigil having physical manifestations of their house. Starks with their wolves, Dany with her dragons, Glovers with their gloves. Cerci finds a gold lion and rides it to Dany to kidnap her. Tyrion looks at the camera. Debbie Downer face.
Who’s gonna ride those dragons now…
Julie’s Bold Prediction: I saw that flaming sword in the preview. Jon Snow’s going to use it and all this Azor Ahai business is going to finally be confirmed: Jon is the prince who was promised. But promised what??
Josh Dreyer’s bold prediction: I’m hoping Theon takes a bath. He’s looking pretty rough.
Tim Paluch: The magnificent seven realize their kidnapping a zombie plan is stupid AF so they walk back home and decide to end the season after 3 minutes of the episode.
Not a part of my bold prediction, but man. Can Littlefinger die yet? Arya is smarter than she’s letting on, and she totally knows Littlefinger was setting her up, right? I mean, as T Pain pointed out, she didn’t do a great job hiding from the guy as she was spying. Speaking of T Pain, I tweeted that dude—he appeared on the Ringer last week and claimed to have a great Gendry theory, which shows what a coward he is. I’m sure he’s going to get back to me any minute now.