While this dead—just kidding!—Game of Thrones new go-to story line is getting to be a liiiittle much, I’m not going to complain this week because THE HOUND IS BACK! The Hound is, indisputably, the greatest character on the show (unless you were to argue that Davos is the greatest character on the show, in which case, I might have to concede that you are right). The Hound, though. So good. One of my favorite Game of Thrones moments was watching Arya and The Hound make pit stops in between adorable rag-tag adventures, so that The Hound could drink some ale and eat not one—but two–whole chickens. Atta boy.
As a tribute to the re-emergence of The Hound, I’m going to make a whole chicken. Not just any chicken, either. I’m going to make The Hound’s Chicken in a Faith of the Seven-Spice & Herb Dry Rub. You think I’m going to stop there? Well, you better think again. I’m going to cook that chicken with a half-empty beer can inside of it. For The Hound. We’re going to talk more about putting beer cans in chicken cavities later, so hold tight for a bit. Just hold tight.
There are a lot of bold predictions to be made tonight. It’s not just the major storylines that are developing nicely right now—even the minor ones seem like they’re on the cusp of something major happening. My friend, Tim Paluch, feels like the Dorne storyline needs something big to happen sooner than later because it seems so fragmented from the rest of what’s going on. Not to mention, frankly, Dorne is pretty Dorne boring right now. Let’s see what other people are boldly predicting for this week:
Julie Cusack: Because I want it to be true, I’m going to steal the Internet’s prediction that the Arya who got stabbed last week wasn’t Arya at all. It was really Jaqen H’ghar testing The Waif. I want to believe this theory, so I’m buying into it.
Stealing the Internet’s predictions is cheap, though, so I’m going to get extra, extra-bold here, to make up for it. Adam and I are road tripping through Northern Minnesota this weekend, so I had a lot of opportunities to research cool GOT swords. The more that I think of it, the more that I think Heartsbane is going to be more important than I previously suggested (They’re gonna kill a buncha White Walkers with it!). I wonder if Heartsbane is actually going to have some more magical powers, kind of like Lightbringer supposedly has. Speaking of Lightbringer…something that I learned from Internet is that Ramsay Bolton is possibly in possession of Lightbringer (following the death of Stannis Baratheon). If this is true, we have a lot of potential “chosen ones’ who could get their hands on Lightbringer this week to prove that he or she is the real deal: Jon? Sansa? Rickon? Bran? Some other fella? I don’t care. I just want that light to be brought, and preferably, I want the light to be brought’n by a Stark.
Last time I’m going to talk about swords, I promise–when on the road, we found this cool fireworks stand in Treasure City, MN that has a sword that shoots out sparks when you light it. Check it out!
Adam Holt: I’m going to repeat my bold prediction from last week: Bronn is going to put is sword in Brienne’s sheath. Also, no one I love will die.
Robb Futhey: Arya wargs into Nymeeria and starts hunting Freys and Lannisters in the Riverlands. Rickon: boom, outta here. The Hound (or as Amber Futhey calls him, “Puppy”) meets a dead person. I’m purposely being vague on this one, but since you’re pushing me to be more spoilery, I’ll get more specific. It could be The Mountain. It could be Beric Dondarrion, or it could be a mystery person.
Christopher Ainley: The Four-eyed Raven sees all…CAW! Unless I lose my glasses. Then, I see nothing.
Keeping with the trend of characters returning after long absences, I predict we will see another miraculous return this week. CAW! My eyes are on Ser Pounce.
Me and The Hound connect on a cosmic level: one night a few weeks ago, my boyfriend was having a night out with friends, and my ‘me time’ consisted of eating fried chicken by myself. It was the best! While some recipes are easier than others to conceptualize, this week’s recipe development was cake. Not actual cake, obviously, but rather, chicken. This week’s recipe is The Hound’s Faith of the Seven Spice & Herb Roast Beer Can Chicken.
The Hound’s Faith of the Seven Herb & Spice Roast Beer Can Chicken
1 roaster chicken
½ can Budweiser. Sorry, I meant a ½ can of America.
3 tbsp. good olive oil
1 tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp cracked black pepper
Faith of the Seven-Spice Dry Rub
2 tbsp finely ground coffee
3 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp kosher salt
½ tbsp. black pepper
½ tbsp. ground coriander
½ tbsp. chili power
½ tbsp. oregano
½ tbsp. garlic powder
½ tbsp. paprika
In a coffee grinder, pulse the coffee grounds and brown sugar together (coffee should be very fine to begin with). Add the other 7 herbs and spices and pulse, until well blended
Rinse out the inside of the chicken with water (remove neck and giblets, if it comes with them). Thoroughly dry the inside and outside of the chicken with paper towels. Add the wet rub, making sure to oil under the wings, between the legs, and the inside of the bird. Add the dry rub to the bird, coating thoroughly; set extra rub to the side. Refrigerate for at least an hour.
Place the half can of America in the roaster pan. Take the chicken and insert the can into the chicken’s cavity (I don’t know how to say this in a not-gross way). Pro tip: twist some aluminum foil and wrap in a circle around the chicken, so it doesn’t fall over, like it did for me. I had to chug a second America for this recipe, which was pretty terrible, but I think would be something The Hound would do.
I liked this recipe a lot, and I’d make it again. My biggest correction would be to make sure I ground the coffee a bit more because I had a bite or two that was a little grainy.
I forgot to take an appetizing photo of The Hound’s chicken, but all is not lost: I took several photos of me feeding the chicken to The Hound. More specifically, I fed chicken to my hound, Arthur. He gave it four stars.